Forgiveness Mythology

For many people, forgiveness is something they struggle with – in many ways (such as in giving and in receiving … horizontally and vertically).  So, let’s start with a simple definition and go from there:  “Forgiveness is the act of letting go.”  Thus it is a choice … and a gift.
 
Let’s start with the vertical realm.  You might remember this reading from Easter: “Jesus said to (his disciples) again, ‘Peace be with you.  As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.’  And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit.  If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.’” (John 20.21-23)  Now, allow me to add two passages from the Old Testament.  “(The Lord declares,) I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” (Jeremiah 31.34) and “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103.12)
 
It is important to note that God does not forget about our sin.  Rather, he chooses to not remember it – or hold it against us.  Instead he holds it to (or puts is upon) Jesus on the cross.  (By not holding it against us he displays his mercy – by holding it against Jesus he remains just).  In this action he removes our sin from us “as far as the east is from the west.”  Thus, when he looks at us, his back is to our sin.
 
In a similar action, with our sins on his back, Jesus chooses to focus upon us and not our sin.  As he looks at us, all he sees are precious children of God – his sisters and brothers, “holy and blameless before him” (Ephesians 1.4) This is a two-fold gift that he chooses to give to us – by carrying our sins on his back, he tears them away from us and gives us his grace and spirit.
 
Thus, when we choose to give the same gift to those around us (now we are talking horizontal), we are acting as Christ toward them.  As we let go of the offense, we acknowledge that Christ is carrying it on his back – looking at them the same way he looks at us.  Conversely, when we refuse to let go, we end up playing tug-of-war with Jesus … and ultimately dragging ourselves down and through the mud!
 
Now that we have talked about what forgiveness is, it is also important to note somethings it is not.  Or, more specifically, to identify seven myths of forgiveness.  This list comes from a presentation made by Dr. Reed Lessing, a professor at Concordia St. Paul, at a recent Pastors’ Conference.
 
Myth #1:  We can and should forgive only when we feel like it.  Doing the right thing is not an option – but you know this already.  Forgiveness is a learned activity … and we learn by doing.  This also means that the more we do it, the easier it becomes (eventually).
 
Myth #2:  Forgiving means we forget it.  There is a difference between forgetting something and choosing to not remember.  To remember is to act upon it.  When we forgive we are choosing not to act upon the offense.
 
Myth #3:  If I’m having a hard time with it, I am not forgiving.  Forgiveness is not easy.  Remember, forgiving is choosing not to act upon the transgression.  The greater the offense, the more likely that we will have a hard time with it.
 
Myth #4:  Forgiveness includes analysis and understanding.  Remember forgiveness is a gift … and never an option for the people of God in Christ Jesus.  (How does that Fifth Petition of the Lord’s Prayer go?  Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.)
 
Myth #5: I can and should forgive only after it is requested.  Think for a moment how things would be for us if God forgave this way … if we needed to itemize every single sin before God.  Forgiveness is a mindset and a gift.  A term I like to use is “pre-forgiveness” – meaning that when transgressions come our way we let them pass on by.
 
Myth #6:  Forgiveness always includes reconciliation.  They are not the same thing. Reconciliation requires a willingness to change from both parties.  When we forgive someone they do not instantly or necessarily become our friend.
 
Myth # 7:  Forgiveness means I will now trust the other person.  Like forgiveness, trust is a gift that we choose to give to someone.  Unlike forgiveness, trust is optional … and may even be granted in varying degrees.  Forgiveness is all or nothing.
 
And remember, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.” (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)